Kelly isn’t the king of R&B – he’s the king of freak. Is there another R&B artists that comes to mind that can match the freakiness of R. Kelly toe to toe? The answer is no. Kelly has got explicitness locked up, no questions. Sex should be his middle name. If you need the reasoning for such confirmed, well, just consult this list of 12 songs where R. Kelly absolutely, positively took innuendo too far. He went next level – to the nth degree!
1) “Legs Shakin’” featuring Ludacris (Black Panties, 2013)
“I’m goin’ down, down, down / and do it ‘til your legs’ shakin’.” Boy oh boy did R. Kelly kick off the most explicit album of his career with a bang. “Legs Shakin’” blows its cover with when Kelly sings, “Until your body comes, until we see the sun / send you into shock girl once I touch you with my Taser tongue.” Ludacris confirms the specific act being executed using the tongue: “And my tongue just likes to scribble / morning, noon, and night I gotta have it / I’m a dog eat it up like bits and kibbles / make me dribble…” Can you say F-R-E-A-K-Y?
2) “Cookie” (Black Panties, 2013)
After hearing “Cookie,” Oreos will never ever be innocent, decadent cookies. No, they’ll always be sexual, representative of Kelly’s lustfulness. All innocence is stripped when Kelly has the nerve to reference Cookie Monster from Sesame Street: “Cookie, cookie, cookie, I’m a cookie monster.” Take your pick of naughtiness, but it all seems to come back to the genitals, SMH.
3) “Show Ya P***y” featuring Juicy J & Migos (Black Panties, 2013)
Three songs into this sinful list and the third song happens to be from Black Panties. Honestly, it’s as if R. Kelly felt he had to make up for two conservative, classy albums in Love Letter and Write Me Back by going cray-cray with the sex. “Show Ya P***y” has a legitimate argument to top this list, as it is tasteless, misogyny at its worst. “Climb up, slide down / bend it over, twerk now…split, split, split, split – now let me see…” Terrible!
4) “Ignition” and “Ignition Remix” (Chocolate Factory, 2003)
“Girl please / let me stick my key in your ignition babe / so I can get this thing started and get rollin’, babe…” In 2003 this was one of the hottest records. It was and still is freaky, but it is tamer than the first three joints that grace this list. Yes, Kelly is still adventurous in his sexcapades, but he left the “cookies” out of it.
5) “Marry the P***y” (Black Panties, 2013)
Basically, this didn’t make #4 because that would’ve placed four songs from Black Panties among the ranks of carrying innuendo too far and some variety was necessary. Still, anytime you drop the p-word, it’s X-rated from the get-go. The chorus confirms that R. Kelly just might be the horniest R&B artist ever: “This is a sex proposal / I just wanna marry the p***y…Wanna get down on my knees and ask that p***y to marry me.” C’mon Kells!
6) “In The Kitchen” (TP-3 Reloaded, 2005)
It never ends with this guy does it? Besides the freaky, irresistible hook, the best lyrics from “In The Kitchen” have to be “Girl I’m ready to toss your salad.” Of course this is a line Kelly makes sure the listener doesn’t miss, delivering it with great bombast that suits the salaciousness of this number.
7) “Crazy Sex” (Black Panties, 2013)
The crazy thing is that Black Panties had even more options to grace this list. However, five songs is plenty as Kelly continues to freak his way through the album. You know when R. Kelly asks his girl to “get ratchet,” that “Crazy Sex” has no hope. “Let’s go deeper, let’s go faster, let’s go harder / lets come at the same damn time and then start over.”
8) “Thoia Thoing” (The R. In R&B Collection, Vol. 1)
When made-up words come into play, they are literally “all about that play.” “Thoia Thoing” sounds representative of strip club music, and R. Kelly would have it no other way. The difference between “Thoia Thoing” and say “Show Ya Pussy” is that while Kelly is still thinking pornographically, he hasn’t quite went over the deep end yet.
9) “The Zoo” (Double Up, 2007)
“Girl I got you so wet / it’s like a rain forest / Like Jurassic Park / except I’m your sex-a-saurus baby.” O…M…G! Other animals reference within this animalistic cut include monkeys, kangaroos, birds, bees, cheetahs – you get the picture. Sex, sex, sex…
10) “Skin” (2008)
“Skin” was only released as a single, but never on an album. It and “Hair Braider” arrived in 2008 and both represented risqué R. Kelly. At one point, Kelly tells his girl, “Said I would be your toy / play with me like Lego / I’m your soldier boy / girl you’ll get no angel.” Well, the last part of those lyrics about the “no angel” is 100% accurate.
11) “The Greatest Sex” (TP-2.com, 2000)
It would seem that R. Kelly seems to remember every sex encounter that he has and then uses his memory of that to compose his next TMI song. “The Greatest Sex” looks tame now compared to Kelly’s more contemporary albums, but coitus is still the focus (“And all your secret fantasies thy will be done”).
12) “Banging the Headboard” (Untitled, 2009)
“I’m ‘bout to blow up in here like a hurricane.” Kelly, are you really that into it? Apparently he is, as R. Kelly is putting so much energy into that he’s “banging the headboard.” Wouldn’t that cause a knot on one’s head?