Chris Brown • Royalty • RCA • Release Date: 12.18.15
It’s difficult if you’re a mature individual to be objective and unbiased against R&B singer Chris Brown. Folks let’s be real – Brown hasn’t been the same since the infamous Rihanna incident. While he has had some respectable albums since the unlistenable Graffiti (F.A.M.E. and X), he’s also had duds like Fortune and collaborative album Fan of a Fan: The Album with Tyga. Where does Royalty fall? Unfortunately for Brown, Royalty falls closer to Fortune due to its overenthusiasm for sex and excess over depth.
After listening to Brown’s latest album, here’s a list of eye-roll-able lyrics that make Royalty a difficult album to respect. There’s nothing wrong with using sex thematically – it fuels lots of pop music these days – but when it crosses the line on the excessive side, “Houston, we have a problem!”
1) “Just let me rock, f*ck you back to sleep girl” – “Back to Sleep”
…What can you say? What’s dirty is the perception that this album is about Brown’s daughter Royalty, particularly given the fact the opener is entitled “Back to Sleep.”
2) “I’m a champagne pourin’ n***a, I love big a**es and tits” – “Wrist”
3) “Can I hit in the mirror? Yeah, I wanna see your body clearer” – “Wrist”
Shallow is as shallow does. These lyrics leave nothing to the imagination, which will appeal to some but turn off others.
4) “I could beat it up like, like a real n***a should, baby when we do it, woah” – “Liquor”
Despite overuse, the slang “beat it up” has yet to get old. Hey, Estelle even had a song about it (“Make Her Say (Beat It Up)”).
5) “All I wanna do is drink and f*ck, drink, drink, and f*ck” – “Liquor”
Excess – all excess.
6) “Ask how many nights I’ve been thinking of you, zero, zero / that’s how many f*cks I give” – “Zero”
Perhaps Chris, but then why are you singing the song? You may not have thought about her during the night, but you’re singing about her now, whether you care or don’t!
7) “Baddest b*tch, you know she mine / but you know I don’t love ‘em, and you know I don’t cuff ‘em, no” – “Picture Me Rollin’”
8) “Rolled my weed up for the night, I’m tryna smoke…if you don’t smoke girl, it’s alright, and I ain’t worried ‘bout a damn thing” – “Picture Me Rollin’”
*Rolling Eyes right now…
9) “My face is your pony ooh, and I want you to ride it / so I can drink your rivers down, you quench my thirst babe” – “Who’s Gonna (Nobody)”
10) “Climb up on my mountain, oh ‘til I reach your valley / damn your walls they fit like a glove, ‘til you rain on me…” – “Who’s Gonna (Nobody)”
After listening to Brown’s latest album, here’s a list of eye-roll-able lyrics that make Royalty a difficult album to respect.
11) “I’m feeling like a stalker, girl you know I’m crazy, that p***y amazing” – “Who’s Gonna (Nobody)”
CHHHHRRRRISSSSSSSS! U SO NASTTTTTTTYYYYYYY! That said that “stalker” reference is creepy AF.
12) “I hope you well rested now cause I’mma eat it up, make sure you work that mouth / girl I heard you got the best head, you know my girl’s locked up” – “Little Bit”
13) “I ain’t tryna play with it, if you want it come get it” – “Little Bit”
14) “Oh baby, scream my name, put that p***y in my face / Wrap your legs around my head, swing that a** like a chandelier” – “Little Bit”
S meets E, and then they X.
15) “I got a limo round my waist, put that milkshake in my face / girl we f*ck the night away…” – “No Filter
16) “I see that donk, tasty romp / and it make me wanna hump” – “No Filter”
Hey, at least the dude is honest. He has NO FILTER whatsoever.