Advice for Justin Bieber, Mariah Carey & 50 Cent


Justin Bieber, Believe © Island

Three artists recently have experienced subpar weeks: Justin Bieber (n-word scandal), Mariah Carey (historically tepid album sales), and 50 Cent (below par first week sales and ‘extracurricular’ injuries).  The only way to atone and correct the ills of a horrid week – or several in the case of our Canadian pop star – is advice from me.  Yes, I can fix problems just like that for these three with my thoughtful, encouraging words.  Here goes nothing!

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber goes shirtless as he walks around the Cannes Film Festival Cannes 05/20/2014 © PacificCoastNews
Justin Bieber goes shirtless as he walks around the Cannes Film Festival Cannes 05/20/2014 © PacificCoastNews

Advice: Have a seat… 

As the legendary Rev. James Cleveland song “Plenty Good Room” goes, “just choose your seat and sit down”.  As the popular YouTube channel The Skorpion Show might put it, “have several seats”.  Get the picture Biebz? Please, PLEASE sit down somewhere.  And if you are not going to sit down, channel your energy on your music rather than your behavior.  No, I’m not dying for a new Justin Bieber album – particularly if its anything like that hot mess Believe Acoustic (2013) – but maybe it would be therapeutic and keep you out of trouble.   And oh yeah – putting on a  shirt still applies too.

Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey The BET Honors 2014 hosted by Wayne Brady, honoring Aretha Franklin, Berry Gordy, Ice Cube, Ken Chenault and Carrie Mae Weems held at Warner Theater - Performances Washington 02/08/2014 © WENN
Mariah Carey The BET Honors 2014 hosted by Wayne Brady, honoring Aretha Franklin, Berry Gordy, Ice Cube, Ken Chenault and Carrie Mae Weems held at Warner Theater – Performances Washington 02/08/2014 © WENN

Advice: Let it go…

As you say yourself, it’s “The Art of Letting Go”.  So Mariah, just, well “let it go, let it go!” Girl, you’ve had a killer run – you’ve made bank and sold millions and millions of albums – but those days seem behind you at this point.  Fame naturally wanes, even for veteran artists prodigiously talented as you are.  Me. I Am Mariah…The Elusive Chanteuse exemplified the new normal in albums sales, particularly in R&B, regardless whether you’re a newbie or well, Mariah Carey.  So there’s no need to come up with lengthy, unorthodox album titles with some special meaning to you because, well, there’s just no need; hence, the art of letting go.

50 Cent 

50 Cent "Noah" New York City Premiere - Arrivals Ziegfeld Theatre New York City, NY, USA 03/26/2014 © Debby Wong / PR Photos
50 Cent “Noah” New York City Premiere – Arrivals Ziegfeld Theatre New York City, NY, USA 03/26/2014 © Debby Wong / PR Photos

Advice:  Broaden your horizons…and free up time?

50 Cent, your new album Animal Ambition: An Untamed Desire to Win is a cocky and overconfident affair in my book.  Yeah, you have your moments, but to be so sure of yourself, your best work like Get Rich or Die Tryin’ and The Massacre seem far, far behind you.  At times, your nonchalant flow is just that – too casual to truly back up your edgy, assured rhymes that continue to iterate how awesome you are.  50, please broaden your horizons beyond the shallower things in life.   Also, free up time from that whole “excessive masturbation” ordeal…hmm. Oh, and work on those pitching skills…

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